pregnancy: week 33

 

I took these photos against our newly painted dining room wall. I tried multiple times to put my body in a place that would block the thermostat. To no avail.

Week 33
5 hours spent in a south Philly row home learning about all things birth
3 million sharp, pointy movements from little girl
1 extra car seat base arrived in the mail
2 items to make our nursery almost complete: crib mattress & waterproof pad!
5 days of congestion, sore throat, and runny nose
1 trip to the doctor on snowy roads
0 positive strep tests (yay for post-nasal drip & NOT strep throat!)

Who am I?!

Pregnancy has done weird things to me. Sometimes I don't recognize myself. It's strange and occasionally alarming. Here are a few examples.

I have to literally tell myself aloud to do things: "Kelly, step out of the shower." "Okay, turn off the oven now." "Stop. Stand up."

Sometimes I drink hot coffee (decaf) just because it sounds good.

I finished shopping for my family's Christmas gifts less than 24 hours before I went to visit them. This is not normal.

My lists are frenzied and disorganized and I can't seem to get things done on them. (So I just do what anybody would do- throw out the list and start a new one. Right.)

Meal planning is no longer fun. My Pinterest board isn't providing any inspiration and nothing sounds exciting when I write it down on my weekly meal planning paper.

I have had a pile of stuff for the thrift store sitting on the living room floor for over a week. I finally moved it. To my backseat. Where it's been sitting for three days.

Sometimes I forget what week of pregnancy we are in. How embarrassing.

I also get weeks behind in blog posts. I haven't put up a 33 week picture but we are over halfway through week 34 already. Holy smokes!

last Christmas

Last Christmas so.freaking.many of my Facebook friends announced they were pregnant.

Last Christmas I was quietly aching with the disappointment of not being pregnant.

Last Christmas I was beginning to worry that something was wrong with my body.

Last Christmas I was so insanely in love with my husband that my heart broke at the possibility that our dreams of raising a family wouldn't come to fruition.

Last Christmas my husband, my hero, consoled me and hugged me and reminded me of God's goodness. 

Last Christmas I went shopping with my mother-in-law and bought a beautiful off-white stocking from the 75% off rack.

Last Christmas I purchased that little stocking with the faith that someday my child would use it.

Last Christmas I chose joy. I chose confidence. I chose to reject fear and self-pity and instead turned my eyes toward Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith.

Last Christmas I hoped and prayed and dreamed that this Christmas would be different.

And it is.

The beautiful little off-white stocking now hangs with our two stockings in the living room, just down the hall from toys and books and strollers and car seats and diapers and tiny pink dresses. 

Last Christmas God was doing a redemptive work in my heart and my life. And this Christmas is the same. But so very different.

Domestic failures

This week I've been lacking in the domestic side of life.

One day I stayed at school longer than anticipated and by the time I got home just couldn't muster the energy to make chicken pot pie for dinner. It's not hard or complicated; I've made it many times before. But the idea was daunting to me and I just wanted to eat. Fast. With no effort. So we walked down the street for a burger and all was fine. But the secondary effect of my laziness is that we don't have any leftovers and thus our lunches the next day were rather lame.

A few hours later I decided I wanted to make my Grandmom's big, soft, chewy, ginger cookies to take to a party. But the cookies bombed. They turned out terribly! I followed the recipe exactly and can't figure out what went wrong. Just look at them...

I come from a long line of domestic winners, so sometimes I take my kitchen failures pretty hard and get down on myself.

But the thought of cooking with my daughter helps keep things in perspective. She (and hopefully any other future kiddos we have!) will learn a lot from me- in the kitchen and in life. My attitudes and self-confidence will affect hers. The words I say and the things I do in response to my cooking frustrations will make a difference in her life. My response to my family when I'm annoyed or upset at myself will influence the way she learns to respond to others- to her dad, to me, to both of her domestically-inclined grandmothers, to future siblings, to friends, etc. It's humbling and heart-warming all at the same time.

PLUS: something I am NOT failing at is growing our wiggly little worm. She is so much bigger now and my belly keeps expanding to give her more room. :)

pregnancy: week 32

Week 32
1 very poor, shadowy photo of this growing bump
8 hours of painting by daddy-to-be (not the nursery; the main room(s) of our house) 
136 beats per minute of our little girl's heart on the doppler
7 hours of travel home from RI (should have taken 5... stupid post-Thanksgiving traffic!)
6 nights of heartburn- hello, third trimester problems
3 times average waking up at night to use the bathroom and adjust my aching body
1 second grade hand on my belly... "Your baby is growing!"
2 items arriving via mail for our girl- crib mattress and extra car seat base!
4 pounds gained since our lats midwife appointment two weeks ago
19 pounds gained total this pregnancy (!!)
8,467+ kicks, jabs, and wiggles felt on average per day; this kid can move!

Getting through with grace

True confession: driving from work to my prenatal appointments is when I am my absolute worst self.

It's the time in life I am most glad to NOT be on a reality show, when I'm most glad to NOT have any passenger, when I'm most relieved other drivers canNOT hear me through my rolled up windows.

I am nasty. Like, pounding both hands on the steering wheel, yelling at the top of my lungs, red in the face kind of nasty.

It's the time in life I'm most relieved to be a sinner saved by grace. And it's the time I need to read words like this: "Ladies, I feel like getting through the hard stuff with grace is absolutely vital to our femininity as women. I also feel like this might be something our generation is in danger of missing. For this life to be fulfilling, we must get our hands dirty. As far as I can tell, the gospel demands it. At home or at our jobs, the story is the same. We’re tempted to complain or avoid or quit when things get tough or uncomfortable. I know because I’ve been there, but I don’t want to be about that anymore. I don’t want to raise children under this idea, either... I want to be the kind of woman who isn’t afraid to put my head down and get the job done." - Rachael

 Let me be the first to admit that driving from my full-time job to my amazing birth center where I am an active participant in decisions regarding the baby I am beyond blessed to be carrying doesn't really qualify as hard stuff.

But it's the time I'm aware of my own failures and selfishness. My need for God's grace and my call to live accordingly.

So here I go. Publicly committing to my desire to put my head down and get through the hard stuff with grace. In pregnancy, in teaching, in parenting, in marriage, in friendships. In life.

Baby likes. And dislikes

Okay, this is an attempt to semi-seriously take note of our daughter's preferences. At about 32 weeks gestation.

It will be interesting to do this again in 6 months. Then again in a year. I hope Mom and Dad are still on the list then. :)

So far baby likes: music, warm showers, water, her dad's voice, her dad's hands holding her, loose clothing, loud places, sparkling lemonade.

Baby dislikes: the iPad resting on her, her dad's hands poking her, long car rides, tight pants, her mom eating too much at one meal, Qdoba burritos with chicken, little friends sharing her mom's lap, being squished on the right side at night.

What a high maintenance girl!