The bittersweet

Well, my first week back at work is almost over.

This time tomorrow night my babe will be 8 weeks old and I will have successfully knocked out one week of 12 left in the school year.

It was bittersweet, this week.

Sweet to see the faces of my 20 kiddos. Sweet to connect with colleagues who are so enthusiastic about Charlotte. Sweet to show the fifth graders pictures of my family. Sweet to celebrate Charlotte's baptism last Sunday with many friends and family members. Sweet to nurse my little worm after a long drive home. Sweet when Charlotte slept until 3am so I could get a bunch of hours snoozing in a row. Sweet to eat meals with Joel's parents and brother while we held Charlotte and got our snuggle on.

Bitter to drive away from a fussy little girl Monday morning. Bitter to be locked in my room pumping while my students played at recess and Charlotte ate from a bottle. Bitter and chilly and dark. Bitter to just have 2.5 hours in a day as a family before bedtime. Bitter to have no new photos of Charlotte because it was already starting to get dark and shadowy in the house each evening when I got home.

I'm pondering the whole "have it all" thing. Right now I seemingly have it all. And I'm so so grateful for my job and my baby and my husband and my family and my friends. But even having it all can be sort of bittersweet...