Quality Christmas gift ideas (for kids)

I've written in the past about some of the ways we keep it simple around here. I also recently posted a few gift ideas for a two year old, since we celebrated Asher's second birthday back in October.

In light of the upcoming Christmas holiday, here are a few thoughts on the subject of giving gifts to kids.

First, some other bloggers with wise words on the subject:
1. Lindsey Kubly
2. Erin Boyle (Reading My Tea Leaves blog)

Secondly, I tend to get a bit uneasy with the excess that comes at Christmastime. I know from experience that less is more (especially with little ones!), and that getting too many gifts at the same time is actually counter-productive and stressful.

We give our kids four gifts each year (something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read), and this year we're starting a tradition of giving four small stocking stuffers, to be opened one per night on the evenings leading up to Christmas day. My parents gave the kids their gifts when they were here this past week, and we'll give our gifts at a separate time from the other things our kids receive from family and friends-- to spread out the excitement, and to give time for them to actually use and enjoy each present. (*In my mind, this is a major key to simplicity and contentment at Christmas, the time when our cultural tendency toward excess is wildly obvious!)

In general, I prefer gifts of experience (or time) over toys. Museum memberships, movie theater tickets, aquarium/ zoo passes, and swimming lessons are all brilliant things to gift to children. Even though things can be useful and fun (especially if they are high quality things like I've listed below!), children truly thrive on quality time with the people they love. So bonus points if you can gift an experience that they can do with their parents, grandparents, friends, etc. :)

So, without further ado, here are some great gifts I'd suggest for your little ones this Christmas. Many we have already, and others we expect that the kids will get for Christmas or an upcoming birthday:

MagnaTiles. This is the number one toy in our house. They are expensive, but worth every penny!!  They get used by both kids, every day, multiple times a day. We build roads, and garages, and houses, and animal pens, and hospitals, and so, so many more things with MagnaTiles. Definitely worth the cost, and definitely worth getting at least 100 pieces if you have more than one kid.

Strider balance bike, sport version. I have recommended this balance bike before, but just realized one specific perk of this specific bike-- the sport version is made so that the bike seat and handelbars can be adjusted without tools. This has been SO awesome in our transition period, as Charlotte learns to ride a two-wheel bike with pedals and yet sometimes wants to revert back to the speed and confidence she had with the balance bike. We're trying to get Asher started on the balance bike, too, so it's great to be able to adjust the seat/handlebars quickly as they take turns with our Strider.

Kid's guitar. We actually got one of these for FREE, from someone in our local "Buy Nothing" group!! Her son had outgrown it, and she responded to my request. Asher is obsessed with music and loves to pretend he's playing guitar with the little plastic vacuum we have, so I'm really hoping he will think an actual guitar is the best gift ever. It's been hiding in our living room closet for over a month; I can't believe he hasn't discovered it yet!

Toddler-sized outdoor tool set. I'm SO excited for Asher to get this as a Christmas gift! He's used a similar set before, and he's going to be thrilled to "help" in the yard with all these tools.

Dollhouse. (Note: this link is different than the one I've used in the past. The dollhouse looks more open-ended; I envision it being used as a barn, or maybe a fire station, or school building...) I'm using a tutorial from Lindsey Kubly's blog (see link above) to make one for the kids (mostly Charlotte), and already bought the bookshelf from IKEA. My parents put it together and now I'm going to add the posterboard to the back and wrap up some furniture to put inside. Here's the furniture we're going to use: Bathroom. Kids' bedroom. Kitchen.

Calico Critters family set. I plan for the kids to use these adorable animals in their dollhouse, and hopefully for many, many other creative games. They are the sweetest, and my children are far more interested in animals than dolls these days, so I think they will work well with the dollhouse.

Art supplies! We don't have a ton of this type of material at our house, partially because Asher isn't super interested in sitting still for art projects, but also because Charlotte is mostly into coloring in big coloring books with crayons or markers. But these are some art supplies we have used and loved...

Neon colored paints. Charlotte got a similar paint set from her grandparents and it was a HUGE hit. I'm hoping she'll be really into these bold, neon colors as well, since most of her paints are running out by now (after 6 months of frequent use!).

Tiny markers (THE BEST for little hands!!).

Giant coloring pad (great for paint, watercolors, or regular old markers)

Water WOW coloring books. These are our absolute favorite airplane activity! We have at least three sets, and they get used a lot, even when we aren't traveling. Asher, especially, likes to use them when Charlotte is painting at the dining room table.

*Looking for more ideas? Here's a post I wrote back in August, about the toys we love in our home.

A time for listening, and a time for speaking up

About nine months ago I started listening to Upside Down Podcast. I can't quite remember how I found it, except that the Internet and social media are a tangled, mixed-up web, and one thing (or one blogger) leads to another :)  I think the timing lined up with this past presidential election, a season of shock and disgust for me personally, and of tumult and unrest for our country overall. Sadly, it took that election and the immediate aftermath to snap me to attention.

The first few episodes of Upside Down Podcast hit me hard.

The hosts were discussing poverty and race and the Church in ways I had never considered, mostly because my own experience and education are rooted in my own privilege. Anyway, I listened. I prayed and I thought and I listened some more. I shared aloud with Joel a little, but mostly I tried hard to listen. And to listen well, with ears and a heart that were ready to be softened and convicted and challenged.

The last nine months, for me, have been a season of listening, and of coming to understand (a teeny, tiny bit) the reality of racism and poverty and marginalization in our country. The reality of the role I have as Christian, and as a parent of the next generation of Americans. Though I desperately want to change hearts, and actions, all over, I have the most influence on the heart attitudes of my own children and those within my personal community.

So. The time for me to speak up is now. I have listened and will continue to listen and learn.

But I know enough to be confident that I cannot be silent, and carry on as usual. I must speak to my children, and those within my sphere of influence, about God's word and what it says about people and how Jesus came live and die and rise again... to set them (us) all free. I must be honest about our country's history of prejudice, and I must expose my kids to the beauty of diversity as much as I can. I must tell them that racist acts and attitudes like we witnessed in Charlottesville this week are despicable in the eyes of the Lord. I must guide them toward seeking justice and looking out for the downtrodden of society, and for those in their lives who need an ally or an advocate or a friend.

There is so little I can do; one person in one family in one small, mostly white, suburban town.

But my children and my friends and my children's friends should see in me the love of Jesus.

They should see in me a heart that is open to hearing hard truth.

They should see in me a mind that is willing to confess my own sin and my own role in calling racism what it is, and in stopping the spread of hateful attitudes and acts toward people of color.

I've compiled a list of great resources below, particularly for Jesus followers who may be in the place I was nine months ago or the place I am in today.

These folks are clear and relevant. They've been incredibly helpful to me as I wrestle through the things I've learned, and especially following the events of this past weekend.

1. Upside Down Podcast (My favorite episode is their interview about "The Talk" that black people give their children, with Tyler Burns, which aired last December. Search for it right away. So eye opening!)
2. This sermon, given by a friend of mine who pastors a church in suburban New Jersey.
3. A poignant article by Jemar Tisby, a man I've recently started listening to (on another great podcast, Pass the Mic)
4. A personal, practical blog post (the author writes as a mother of black, and white, children)

back to blogging. and, Amazon links

Ahem.

There's no easy way to jump back into blogging after six months. I don't have much in the way of an explanation, except that 1. I don't want to add to the noise that often IS the internet, so I found myself at a loss for (written) words, and 2. the blogger app is terrible and doesn't work on my phone or ipad, which are the only two devices we use regularly at home.

So, there we have it. Explanation done and done.

Well... also, I have two kids. And another on the way. (Yes, that is my way of announcing that Baby 'Berts #3 is on the way. Most readers probably know already, and somehow, sadly, the third child doesn't end up with as much fanfare as his/her siblings. Healthy dose of reality for us all. :) ) I will share more about this new little life sometime in the near future, but for now let's just say that though he/she gets forgotten in the chaos of life with other kids, he/she was very much hoped and prayed for, and we are absolutely delighted to be adding another bean to our bunch.

Now, on to the second bit from the title of this post. I've signed up to be a part of Amazon associates, which I hope will generate a (teeny, tiny) bit of income from this hobby of blogging. I think that if I post links to things that we love, or that I would recommend, through this blog, I can earn a little bit of money back if those items are purchased by any of you. I haven't tried yet, and I really don't expect this endeavor to be at all lucrative, but I wanted to be upfront about that right away. At no cost to you, Amazon might give back a little bitty bit to me, and to my growing family. We use Amazon A LOT, and expect many of you do as well, so let's all benefit from this part of the system.

Life around here lately, 3

Charlotte is 32 months old (almost three years!) and Asher is one. I'm almost 32 ;) 

We're on day 7 of cloudy/ rainy and cool weather. Fortunately, we've had a pocket of sun here and there, and it's not constantly raining, which is a big relief. I'm in a much better place physically and emotionally than I was one year ago at this time (with a brand new baby, in a house that wasn't our own!), and the icky weather isn't getting me down as much as I was afraid it might. We've managed to have some play dates and swing on the swings and visit the library. All those fun bits help us manage the rain fairly well. 

Both children are in really fun stages right now. 

Charlotte is constantly creating... painting, coloring, making dinner parties for her stuffed animals, using play dough to create cookies for a snack, setting up a restaurant in our new play house, and just making things in general. She's also making really significant conversations lately. She's asking about Bible stories we read, and questioning song lyrics that we sing. She's noticing tiny details in books, and asking a million questions a day. I love chatting with her, and teaching her things. Sometimes the listening is exhausting, and I struggle to really truly pay attention and engage. Working on that. 

Asher is constantly exploring... He crawls all over the house, checking everything out. He loves to take things out of the recycling bin and touch every object. He likes to crawl into the bathroom, and if the lid isn't closed, he tries to explore the contents of the toilet! Ick. Using a push toy, he can walk down the hallway or across the living room. He's always cruising from one chair to the next, or from the  couch to someone's nearby arm/leg. If there's a door open, Asher immediately bolts to get outside. He's had a lot of clothing changes lately, and I'm doing a lot of laundry since his pants get completely covered in mud the second he's outside! It's worth it, though, because he is unbelievably happy playing in the yard and crawling along the driveway. 

I wish someone had told me: Raising a baby abroad

Kelly and I were good friends in college, though in two different friend groups, as college social networks go. And then after college, we mostly lost touch. It took getting pregnant and having babies to reconnect, and it's been really encouraging to follow her life through this blog. And as she is a few steps ahead of me (toddler and a newborn, hurray!), it's nice to see what's coming as well :) So it's an honor to be able to write here and share some of what I have learned since having my sweet girl. 

I wish someone had told me that no one can tell you everything. Actually, I think my mother did say something like that...but I suppose in pride I ignored her comment. Maybe I was naive when I was pregnant, reading up on all the various methods out there on every subject to do with babies, though I suppose we're all naive at that point. Either way, the first year of my daughter Aylin's life was full of "Why can't someone just tell me WHICH method to use!?" and many tears of confusion. 

I should explain my context for my pregnancy, birth, and now life with Aylin. My husband and I live in the Middle East, in Amman, Jordan. My husband is working with an agricultural venture called Aquaponics, but more than that, we're here because we felt that God wanted us to give our lives to loving those different from us, and proclaiming who Jesus Christ is to those who have never heard. So even though life here is very different from our home culture in America, we did chose to be here and we are always trying to expand our worldview, learn from those around us. And there is much to learn from Arabs, though currently they are not the most popular in the world. God is growing our love. 

So being in Jordan has added, perhaps, an extra layer to the complexities of starting a family. We know that no matter how hard we try to fit in, we will never be Arabs. We will always lean towards viewing our American ways of doing things more correct, even if not more Biblical. We often find ourselves caught between two cultural ways of doing things, without being certain if either one is helpful or a method that has good results. It's a bit of a juggling game, and very humbling. 

I'm a pretty confident personality, prone to pride as one of my biggest sins, and love to research, apply what I've learned, and spread the news to everyone. A bit annoying, I know. So I think the first year of Aylin's life (she is 16 months now) I was hoping one method of sleep, routine, nursing, SOMETHING would be one I could proudly say "THIS works, hands down, and this is the way it should be done." 

As you can guess, I needed to learn that no baby fits into any one method or theory. Aylin is unique, and so are we as her parents and as a couple, and our cross-cultural context is unique. There is no sleep training blog for mothers who are American, raised in Turkey (did I mention that?), but living in a Muslim, Arab world. I needed to learn a deep dependence on the Lord for wisdom and strength, not just the answers I find on Pinterest. And I haven’t arrived; I'll struggle with wanting to pin down (hehe) one right way for my whole life. 

Perhaps one of my most important realizations, through my husband's help, has been that we need to protect and guide Aylin in whatever country or culture we find ourselves in, not just protect our "methods." A few examples: Here, anyone and EVERYONE feels free to take your baby from you, pass her around, kiss her. That can be in church, a restaurant (the waiters), the grocery store, police officers...you get the picture. And because she is fair skinned, blue eyed, and a mini extrovert who waves at everyone, she easily gets this attention. And most of the time we don't mind, but there are times we have to be slightly rude and say "that's enough, she needs to come back to us" or "no, you can't take her picture anymore." In Jordan there are very set ways of raising children, rarely questioned, but we've had to put our foot down at times. There are many old wives tales that everyone happily informs us about as truth, that we've had to say "sorry, that's actually not true, and we know what our own daughter needs." One being, how we dress her. You never see young babies here because whenever they are outside they are completely covered in heavy fleece blankets. No face at all. They believe that a baby gets a cold from any exposure to cold. And people were always trying to cover her whole face, or give us their own blankets to smother her with, which we had to resist. Or urge me to start feeding her "real" food too early even though I was breastfeeding, which I also had to refuse. 

In thinking through our methods, we've also had to learn to hold them loosely, allow them to change as circumstances change. We attempt to feed Aylin healthy food at home, because outside of the house, locals are constantly handing her chocolate bars, gum, candy. Some we refuse, stuff in my purse, but other times we let her indulge so as not to be rude. We try to keep Aylin's bedtime and nap time somewhat routine, but there is no such thing here (ha!)...babies and toddlers seem to just collapse wherever they are, and it's completely normal to see tiny children out at 10 or 11 at night. And so at times we awkwardly say we can't go to events due to Aylin needing sleep, but other times, we ask her to be a bit more tired than any of us would like. 

I think we're slowing learning a sort of balance with all of these challenges. I'm so thankful that we don't walk this road alone, and that we're continually being stretched. We're learning to laugh at stressful situations and live out the old adage: "Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape." 

Home Depot: our indoor playground

The other day I was whining to Joel that these super rainy days are so frustrating with two little kids... Asher only stays awake for 1.5-2 hours at a time... The playgrounds are soaking wet, and it's too chilly to keep a toddler in damp clothing... Charlotte has SO much energy and is dying to play outside, but I often have to say "no." ... The indoor play places (mall and children's museum) are at least 20 minutes away, which only leaves 30ish minutes for playing before Asher needs to nap again... If Asher naps in the Ergo he doesn't get the same quality of sleep and our evenings are stressful...

(It was a pity party, and it wasn't pretty.)

But then my brilliant husband gave a somewhat hilarious suggestion: take the kids to Home Depot.

At first I laughed. But then he continued:

"Yeah. Take back the light bulbs that don't fit and then just let Charlotte run around. The aisles are wide, it's not crowded during the day. It's super close so you can get there and back between naps. You don't have to buy anything."

Like I said- brilliant.

Asher was wide awake. Charlotte got to choose which way to walk. The employees had a burst of life, seeing Charlotte's enthusiastic energy. Other customers watched me with envy, wishing they had two adorable babies hanging out with them!

Our spirits were revived and both kids took great naps after their outing to the "playground" ;)

The tale of a house (1)

...We bought a house!! 

Or, at least, we are in the mid-to-end stages of buying a house. 

Basically, we bought a house! :)

How we got to this point is quite a story (a miraculous story, I would say) so I'm sharing it here for the sake of my memory. Depending on the timing of things and when this baby boy arrives, I hope to share more photos and stories about the process. That's why this is considered part 1... We shall see if any more parts get written. 

We moved to the area about 7 weeks ago, and have been staying with the parents of Joel's college friend. They live abroad most of the year, so it worked out nicely for us to stay with them temporarily while we got settled and explored the area. Almost immediately upon arriving, we started looking at homes online and visiting a few with our realtor. 

As we explored and looked at homes for sale, we also began developing relationships with our current neighbors. We live on a really quiet street, in a town about 12-18 minutes from Joel's school (depending on traffic). The neighborhood is an awesome mix of people from all ages, with a few young families and some folks who have lived here 50+ years! 

Most of the houses we looked at were in other towns, not as convenient for Joel to commute, and not nearly as quaint as the town where we live. They were great houses, though, and whenever something came up in our town (in our price range), it tended to be pretty dumpy and in need of significant work. Twice we made offers on homes that we really liked, but we got out-bid and had to move on. 

One Tuesday morning, as we were considering making yet another offer on yet another house, my neighbor drove by and stopped to chat. She lives three doors down and after asking me about our house hunt, mentioned that her other neighbor (2 doors down from us) was interested in selling his house, and that he would probably be really happy to deal with us privately without hiring his own realtor and listing the house online. 

Over the course of a few days, we had talked with the owner on the phone, walked casually down the street to scope out the house, and coordinated chances to get inside to look around more seriously. Though the house had some quirks and needed a few significant repairs, it seemed really awesome. Naturally, our love for the neighborhood made us a bit biased... 

So things moved forward. We made an offer, it was accepted, and we have signed an agreement of sale. Today a home inspector came and then this evening we met with a contractor to get an estimate for the work we would like done before we move in. As of now, we will settle on the house at the end of September-- about five days before baby 2 is due to arrive. 

Stay tuned :)

Life around here

We are most certainly in a season of transition, but things have kind of settled into a nice, flexible rhythm in our family. 

Surely, things will change BIG TIME once our baby arrives, and things will change again whenever we buy a house and move once more. So when those times come, when the chaos abounds, I want to look back on this time in our lives and remember the ebb and flow of our schedule, the fun times, the confusion, the quiet conversations, the meals around the table...

Charlotte usually wakes us up, anywhere from 6:20 to 8:20, but 7am is pretty typical of late. Joel usually gets her changed and they play while I make breakfast. We eat a leisurely meal together and then play some more. This morning Charlotte was a mess before breakfast, then a mess again while we were reading devotions. Not a great start to the day. I was frazzled so Joel took her outside while I got a shower. 

Most mornings are nice and cool here, so we usually try to go for a walk and/or to the playground before lunch. We have a really great biking/walking/ running trail nearby, so sometimes Joel takes a long bike ride while C and I walk, then we meet at the playground. Charlotte LOVES slides and swings and climbing elements, so this is probably the best part of her day. We also try to stop and visit with any friendly dogs we meet ;) 

After lunch Charlotte takes a pretty long nap. I often lay down, or play online, or do laundry, or clean up the kitchen, or look at house sale listings with Joel. After her nap, Charlotte is really ready to play again! She splashes in her little pool, or we run errands, or we meet our realtor to view more homes. If I'm feeling adventurous, we go to another park, or take a walk.

Our girl has settled into the home we are renting pretty well at this point. It's kid-friendly enough that she can mostly roam freely and explore the main rooms of the house. She has figured out how to close doors, but can't open them yet, so we just keep doors closed if there's a space we don't want her to find. Her favorite activity of late is what I would call "hoarding"... She grabs every.single.item. She can and makes a giant pile on her floor. Mostly the pile includes books, stuffed animals, diapers, wipes containers, blankets, and dirty clothes. After her collection is complete, she stands up, then plops down on top of the pile to read one of her "Bitta Bitta"s. It's totally hysterical to watch!

Joel's flexible schedule for August means he is always home in time to play with Charlotte while I get dinner ready. We eat together as a family (which has been so awesome lately!) and hang out until Charlotte gets ready for bed. We had been putting her down between 7 and 7:30 and recently had about five nights of bedtime struggles, but last night decided to have her stay up until about 8:00. That seemed to do the trick- she fell asleep immediately and slept soundly until 6:45 this morning. Success!

How to drive across country with a toddler, part 1: hotel stays

So, this morning as Charlotte was peacefully napping in our hotel room, I start mentally writing a blog post. I'm highlighting all the things we did well, and bragging on my amazing, wonderful, flexible daughter. 

And of course, tonight, as I'm actually physically typing out the post, Charlotte is rolling around in her bed, talking to herself, after standing up twice and asking for water at least three times. Humble pie for dessert, me thinks. 

But the imperfection of tonight's bedtime aside, we have been on the road in our cross-country move for over two weeks now. We should arrive in Washington tomorrow night, and we won't have to travel again for a long, long time [Praise.The.Lord]. 

Before our trip, I did a bunch of research, and some friends gave me a few good tips. We have had a VERY successful time staying in a hotel with Charlotte and I want to share some of the things that worked for us, in case any of you are crazy enough to plan a cross country trip with a toddler. 

Here goes:

1. If at all possible, stay in a suite every night. We had four nights in hotels and the absolute best experience was one where we had an actual suite... Meaning that Charlotte had an entire living room to herself, while our bedroom door could close and we could talk to each other after she fell asleep, and read with the lights ON. I think sometimes a suite can cost more, but I would definitely say it's worth the cost. 

2. Bring a large sheet and 5-10 thumb tacks. This is so important!! My friend Melissa found this tip and it saved our sanity. Every night, even in the suite, we would section off Charlotte's bed with a sheet, thumb tacked to the wall in two places. This prevented her from looking all around the room as she settled down and also meant that she couldn't see us if she woke up in the middle of the night. She stirred sometimes, but always put herself back to sleep and didn't get us up in the middle of the night at all during our hotel stays. Amazingly, hotel walls are compatible with thumb tacks-- maybe because they are made of sound proofing material...? 

3. Also bring- a fan for white noise, whatever your child sleeps with at night (for us it's a sleep sack and two owl loveys).

4. Keep the bedtime routine as consistent as possible. Every night, Joel said goodnight to Charlotte, then left the room while I turned on the fan (And turned off the light), gave her a milk cup, put on her sleep sack, read three books, and gave a drink of water. I put her to bed more often than he does at home, so we kept that consistency, and her bedtime routine, in an attempt to make things normal. 

5. If possible, use your own travel crib (and also if possible- have your child sleep in it a few days at home before your trip, to practice). Hotels usually have a crib you can borrow, but I really think the consistency of using our travel crib made it easier for Charlotte to sleep in a new place every night. 

6. Only go to hotels with swimming pools. For real. After being in the car for hours and hours, swimming is a great way to get some energy out. Twice Joel took C swimming while I drove to get dinner, got her bed set up, or planned our day's adventures, or just took a short rest. Another night all three of us went together and had a great time. Charlotte LOVES the water, so playing in the pool was an absolute blast. 

7. Finally, try to be patient and flexible. It's not easy to share a bedroom with a toddler, especially under the stressful circumstances of traveling across country. There were many moments of difficulty, particularly the last morning of our travels when Charlotte woke up at 5am. We were beyond exhausted, but just decided to pack up and hit the road, since it wouldn't do any of us any good to hang out in the hotel room being stressed or annoyed. Joel did a GREAT job leading the charge that day and helping me maintain a good attitude. 

the chaos of NOW

In less than two weeks, we will drive away from this house, this town, this neighborhood we have come to love.

Charlotte woke up before 6 the last two mornings and, though this isn't completely abnormal, we're all pretty exhausted. She wakes up happy, but is tired again almost immediately after breakfast and it's a struggle to find contentment until she takes her first nap. Two weeks ago I was SURE she was ready for one nap, so we did that whole gradual transition, only to realize about a week in that she was completely overtired and it wasn't working out. So back to two naps we went, but not without some fights at bedtime and, as seen today, some early morning wake ups. Why don't children come with an owners manual? 

In addition to the unpredictable sleeping habits of our toddler, baby boy has been giving me some trouble at night, too. If I wake up to use the bathroom, he wakes up, and has a party in my belly. I LOVE feeling him move around and am unbelievably grateful that he is healthy and strong, but for goodness sake, son, please be still so I can go back to sleep! 

We are in a perpetual state of "packing" and our house looks like a disaster. It's so stressful to me, but I find myself lounging around, reading blogs and Twitter during my free minutes, instead of putting things in boxes. The process of packing right now overwhelms me... We need all our stuff for the next two weeks.... What can we pack up?!

Since we will have about one month of limbo while traveling and then upon arriving in Washington, we've booked about a million appointments for these last two weeks of June... A follow up ultrasound, goodbye luncheons, dentist check ups, final meet ups with friends, midwife appointments, hair cuts, home repairs, second inspections, house sale paperwork meetings, etc. etc. etc. I can barely keep up with the daily grind, let alone the little extra details that have been added to the calendar of late. On Tuesday I almost forgot to attend my own farewell party! Who am I.. forgetting a party?! 

There's been some hype in the blog world and on social media recently about how we portray our lives as perfect, or at least wonderfully pleasant. And while I can't really fathom posting a photo of my greasy unwashed hair, or my daughter's screaming face in the middle of a tantrum, I do try to be transparent here in this space. 

So in the name of transparency, let me just say that our life is chaotic. It's very hard and very sad and very overwhelming right now. I've been crying more than usual, and Joel and I are both incredibly tired. I have snapped at Charlotte multiple times recently, and my patience with her grows thin more often than I like to admit. The weather is hot and there are messes everywhere I turn. My husband is working incredibly hard and my toddler is amazing, but I am burnt out and exhausted and so very sad. I find myself already missing my friends here, and I'm mourning the distance that will keep my family apart in the coming years. People ask me how I'm feeling, and most of the time I can show my genuine enthusiasm for the changes and adventures to come. 

I AM excited and I believe this move is what God has called us to do. 

But there is chaos RIGHT NOW, and my heart and soul are weary. 

Memorial Day 2015

We had a WONDERFUL (too short!) weekend with my family last weekend. It was likely the last time we'll make the drive to their house from our home in PA, so I'm feeling a bit sad while thinking back over the weekend.

The weather was absolutely perfect and Charlotte was a star, as usual :)

Here are a few photos, if you'd like to see:

It's always worth it

Last Thursday morning found Joel, Charlotte, and I on a six-hour road trip to Rochester, New York. Some of my college friends and I had planned a long-weekend mini reunion, to include eight adults, three one year olds, and a German Shepherd.

Charlotte was a champ in the car and was (of course!) totally beside herself with excitement upon meeting said German Shepherd. She didn't sleep well most nights, and there were lots of tears at nap time. She fed the dog directly from her high chair tray and crawled after the other kids, pushing a musical walking you all weekend long. 

On Sunday as we drove home, I realized all three of us were totally exhausted. The break in routine, the driving, the night wake ups, the adjustments to our "schedule"... All those things require a significant amount of physical, emotional, and mental energy.

But we were all smiling. Being with these friends gave me new life, new energy. Seeing my friends as parents and home owners and professionals can bring tears of joy to my eyes, if I think about it long enough. Watching Charlotte play with the boys (and the dog!) is a memory I will never forget. 

Our friendships and our get-togethers are different nowadays. We went to bed pretty early and woke up very early. More coffee was consumed than we ever drank in college. We interrupted our conversation to change a diaper or distract a toddler from jumping off the couch. But we made meals together, and sat around chatting, and ate dinner together, and explored the city, and played outside, and did the dishes, and chatted some more, and went out for dessert, and chatted a bit more. And then changed another dirty diaper. ;) 

So yeah, adventures with littles look quite different, and in many ways are more difficult (and more tiring!!). But reuniting with people we love is a good, life-giving adventure. And it's always worth it. 

The end of nursing

As of this week, Charlotte is done nursing.

I feel a tiny bit sad, because it has been such a big part of our life together for the past fourteen months. But mostly, I feel proud of her (and of myself) for figuring it all out, and I feel intense gratitude for the support and encouragement I have received. Gosh, I'm so very grateful.

The early days of it were not easy. She was sleepy and tiny, and I was exhausted and burdened by the weight of responsibility- my milk was keeping her alive!!- and oh so emotional. A wise friend told me that nursing gets easier after the first month. So I stuck it out, and sure enough, my friend was right. There were some tricky times since those first few days- congestion, first colds, nursing strikes, being discrete in public, and the endless pumping sessions while I finished last school year. But Charlotte grew and thrived, and we bonded, and I got confident. So I can look back over these fourteen months with great fondness and humility and joy.

I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have found excellent resources on the subject of breastfeeding. There are helpful books about nursing, the internet abounds with helpful articles, and many areas have a local breastfeeding resource center with support groups and lactation consultants. I have compiled a huge collection of websites and useful links via Pinterest. The website KellyMom was an absolutely incredible resource... I sometimes referenced it three times a day! And just yesterday I read this blog post, which does a great job of covering some of the (many) concerns new moms have when starting to nurse. 

Anyway, our nursing days are over and Charlotte is deep into solid foods and she drinks whole cow's milk (mixed with some of my frozen breast milk) in a special sippy cup at bedtime. It has taken us about two months to completely "wean" and there have been some struggles and some self-doubt and some guilt (on my part) and a few tears (from both of us!). She has definitely had a harder time falling asleep this past week since she's done nursing and once or twice Joel has gone in to give her some extra snuggles. BUT, over all the whole thing went amazingly well and I'm happy to say our breastfeeding experience, and our weaning process, were a huge success. 

Here are a few tips for "weaning" that I've gathered from various websites and from my own experience:

1. Move slowly and try to follow your baby's lead. When I started decreasing from our routine of five feedings a day, I dropped one feeding in a week, then another ten to fourteen days later, and so on. Charlotte was almost a year old and eating a good amount of solids, and she didn't seem to notice. She drank more at each feeding and was getting the right amount of milk for her needs. Another benefit of weaning slowly is that your body adjusts to making less milk over time, which should help eliminate engorgement and discomfort. 

2. Be flexible and patient. For us, it was challenging to be away from home shortly after we dropped the mid-day feeding. Charlotte had a hard time settling down for her second nap without the relaxation of nursing. After struggling for a while at my parents' house one day, I turned off the lights, nursed her silently and let her drift to sleep before breaking her latch. She stayed asleep and I took a short nap snuggled up with her. I will never forget that day. It was such a precious hour in our nursing relationship. 

3. If nursing is going well and you don't need to stop sooner, try to make it for a full year. Pediatricians recommend waiting until after one to introduce cow's milk and they suggest giving formula if babies aren't receiving breast milk up until one. Since we never used formula, it just cut out one unnecessary transition. Moving to cow's milk (only at bedtime- Charlotte drinks water from a little glass during the day) directly from nursing was still tricky, but overall worked well for us because it was the only real transition we had. [Note: there's no need to stop nursing at a year! Breast milk is healthy and beneficial for toddlers well past their first birthday!] 

4. Drop the daytime feedings first; keep the early morning and before bed feedings for a while longer, as these tend to be the most significant to baby. During the day, Charlotte was very eager to eat real food and play, so it wasn't terribly difficult to drop a feeding every week or two. We kept the morning nursing for about three weeks after the day time nursings were done. She was very attached to her morning routine of coming into my room and drinking milk with me in the quiet while Joel got ready for school. One morning, though, I met her at the top of the stairs and brought her down to the table where her breakfast was ready and waiting. I was prepared to nurse if she protested at all, but she didn't seem to notice any change. Then, just this past week we stopped the nursing at bedtime and that was definitely the hardest transition. Nursing before bed really helped Charlotte calm down and settle in, so we worked hard to help develop an adapted bedtime routine. I'm very glad we didn't try to cut that feeding out before now!

5. "Don't offer, don't refuse". This is one weaning philosophy I read and while I didn't follow it fully (because I continuously offered at bedtime, even if Charlotte didn't "ask", long after all the other feedings were dropped), I think in general it's respectful to allow your baby to nurse if he or she asks. Nursing is never just about nourishment- there is a whole lot of comfort, relaxation, and snuggling involved. One night last week Charlotte wasn't very interested in drinking from her sippy cup and was getting really upset. She kept tugging on my shirt and whining, so I let her nurse (even though I was confident she wasn't getting much nourishment). It comforted her and helped ease the transition of switching to milk from a cup.

How about you, readers? Any words of wisdom to share? Experiences with nursing or weaning- good or bad...?! 

photo dump

It's 2:17 pm and Charlotte is in her crib, rolling around loudly, alternating between a horrible screeching, whining, and talking to herself. She clearly doesn't want to nap, but is very clearly tired.

To distract myself from the noise, I'm looking at photos of her sweet face and thanking the good Lord for giving me the joy of growing this little girl.

For your viewing pleasure, some recent photos from around our house.

Notice a theme here? I've taken pictures of Charlotte in her box on wearing three different outfits, on three different days. We've had it sitting in our living room for almost two weeks. And she isn't tired of it yet. Ha!

Lately it seems like Charlotte is changing from one minute to the next. She is learning new skills, saying new words, exploring new worlds, and having so much fun. Fortunately, she's been sleeping well at night but we are pretty sure some teeth are on the horizon because she's had trouble going to bed and naps have been inconsistent.

Doesn't she look so darn grown up here?

the season of YES

Last week Joel and I announced to our students some big news for our family: in July, we are moving across the country to the city of Everett, Washington.

The doors that have opened for us in the last few years are completely unbelievable to me now, looking back.

We had a hard season of NO, where I lost my job, we failed to get pregnant though we desperately wanted to grow our family, and Joel was turned down for multiple school leadership positions. God remained constant and faithful, despite our doubts and fears.

We are overwhelmed with gratitude to now be in a season of YES!

Yes, we got pregnant and delivered a healthy, beautiful baby girl! Yes, I got a teaching job. Yes, I got a perfect part-time job that allowed me to stay home with Charlotte most days. Yes, our daughter is growing well and just turned one!

And yes, finally, Joel gets to pursue his dream of becoming a Christian school principal.

In early December, a small Christian school in Washington flew all three of us to the Seattle area so Joel could spend a long weekend interviewing, meeting students, talking with teachers, and getting to know the area. It was an intense weekend and we were all exhausted. Three days after we returned home, they called to say the school board had voted unanimously to call Joel as their next principal. He accepted the job two days later.

We've managed to keep the news close for a while, since we needed to coordinate how/when to tell our students. Joel wanted to talk to his classes on the same day I announced to my junior high students, so there wouldn't be any spreading of the news around town. Now that it's out in the open, expect a few more blog posts as I process the huge adjustments to come.

I go back and forth between elation and heartbreak, sometimes changing my mind every minute. I've come to call this place home and I mourn the loss of our house, our neighborhood, Joel's school community, our church, my job, and our local friends. At the same time, we are so incredibly grateful for God's provision in giving Joel this job and giving our family this opportunity to travel and grow and adventure together.

Charlotte's first Christmas!

It's hard to believe that Charlotte is almost a year old AND that time has gone so fast since last Christmas (when I was very pregnant and very ready for her to be born!). We had a wonderful celebration of Jesus' birth as we witnessed our little girl taking in the wonder of the season.

Here are a few photos, if you'd like to see:

Before driving to Michigan, the three of us opened presents together. We gave Charlotte her four gifts & I had a few small things for Joel to unwrap. It was a precious time for our little family.

Charlotte had a blast with her extended family and some friends in Michigan. She didn't sleep very well in her travel crib at Grandma/Grandpa's house, but she enjoyed playing with her new toys and climbing their stairs.

On holiday traditions (or the lack thereof)

The other day I started this pity-party blog post about how we don't have any traditions of our own because we always travel for holidays. I was feeling sorry for myself and the post was oh so whiny. Fortunately, after reading two great posts about Christmas traditions, my eyes re-focused and my perspective changed a bit. So here's an edited version of my original post, without all the drama. ;)

Joel and I have been married for four years and this Christmas will be our first with a child. I wrote about the tradition we're starting with gifts; this tradition is one I'm SUPER excited about and plan to maintain forever. Besides the gift giving, and the fact that whenever we buy a Christmas tree it's from the VFW where we had our wedding reception, our tiny family doesn't have any traditions that are just ours. 

BUT! We have the privilege of spending time with our families during the winter holidays and the best part of that is getting to share in their traditions, or to create new ones alongside them. It is awesome to combine Thanksgiving and Christmas with my parents and brother! I love getting most of my shopping done by mid-November and I also love playing elf on my dad's behalf, buying things for my mom with dad's money :) I LOVE that my mom used to give us new PJs on Christmas Eve and that she's continuing that tradition in a new way by giving Charlotte new cozy jammies for an early Christmas gift. I also really love that Joel's family has a big get-together which includes dinner and an auction where all the proceeds are donated to a specific charity. 

Really, being with our families is tradition in itself and I think it's time to own that and treasure it and mull it over with much gratitude.