I think, "What kind of mom will I be?," and "Which things will I hold to tightly, and which will I let go?," and "How will I react when __________ happens?"
I wonder how we're influencing Charlotte in the small, daily things.
How we hold her hand when we pray at dinner, even though she tries to pull away because she is so.darn.active. The fact that we send her to the church nursery even though there's a chance she won't nap and our Sunday will be long and stressful. How we have many people in our life who have cared for her while we work outside the home. How we let her cry a little so she learns to fall asleep, but how we go in to comfort her and let her feel our presence when she's absolutely miserable (or stuck on her belly!). The way I cheer and grin when she rolls onto her tummy and looks around proudly. Or how Joel flies her into the air above his head and smiles as wide as can be at her happy face. Our morning routines and our bedtime routines. Our nursing sessions and our play times and our giggle fests and our diaper changes and our household chores.
This parenting gig is hard! Being a mom is hard! Charlotte is an amazing, sassy, funny, stubborn little girl. We love her with our whole hearts but parenting her is real Kingdom work.
I desperately want to raise my baby well. I want her to know Jesus and to love others. I want her to be kind and patient and compassionate and brave and generous. I want her to rejoice when others rejoice and learn that life isn't fair. I want her to forgive quickly and serve with a happy heart.
Though there are many things we do intentionally and with great care in raising Charlotte, much must be left to faith. Parenting requires letting go and trusting God's good care. I think we're taking baby steps in this, but daily steps we are taking.