Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Dear Charlotte, 2

Dear baby girl,

You are snoozing in your crib right now. With your fan on, while wearing your swaddle sleep sack. One arm (your right) has broken free and you have it stretched up over your little head. You are breathing deeply and your long legs are out in front of you. My heart aches because you are so cute.
Darling, I can't believe how much I love you!

Sure, I make you do tummy time and you don't always enjoy it, but you are getting better and better with each passing day. I listen to you fuss because I want you to be healthy and strong. Because I love you.

And yes, I let you whimper a little when you are trying to fall asleep but that's because I want you to grow up independent and confident and sure of yourself. Because I love you so very much.

And would you believe how much I panicked upon coming into your room at 2am today and finding you perpendicular in your crib and stuck on.your.side.?! Oh, my heart! It leaped into my throat I was so startled. I probably should have had your dad come in to snuggle you back to sleep, since you weren't necessarily hungry until I picked you up and my smell made you decide it was time to eat. But Charlotte, I couldn't help myself. I was afraid that you were hurt and the fear of you getting stuck on your side made me so, so upset. I scooped you up and held you close. And than spent the next 35 minutes making sure you were fed and changed before settling you back to sleep.

I'm tired, little worm. Working long days and driving to and from the city is draining me. It's very hard to be a teacher and a wife and a friend and a daughter, and your mama.

But it's such an honor, too. This new job, the one where I snuggle and feed and comfort you and make you smile... Where I bathe you and change your dipes... Where I kiss your round cheeks and hold you in my ring sling while slicing veggies for dinner... This job is amazing.

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